Thinking about the future but not in that kinda way

I seriously thought about becoming a physicist, but after taking the AP Physics B exam, I realize what a colossal mistake that would be. The fact that I struggled to spell the word physicist also made that painfully clear to me. The first half of the year, I was breezing by the class. Maybe that’s what I felt so good about it. Then electromagnetism came around, and down went my grade and confidence in the subject.

Do you have to be good at something to major in it? Maybe not, but it’s made life a lot easier. What I would do to be naturally gifted at a subject, so that I could sleep in class, get an A, and make six figures. Of course life doesn’t work that way, but boy, does it feel like I’m the only one that has no idea what to do with her life, no idea what she could do or should do. If everything I’ve done in high school has been for the sake of college and the future, I really have done nothing. Maybe there are somethings you can’t learn about yourself through studying.

School has always only been school for me. I’ve never been excited by doing homework or labs. Even the thought of it makes me laugh. I love watching television programs about biology, physics, and chemistry, but those shows are meant to entertain, aren’t they? They peel away all of the droll technical bits and throw all the interesting facts at the audience to keep them glued to the screen. English and drama are the highlights of my day, but I’ll never major in either.

Maybe I don’t want it to be easy. I like challenges. I like the idea of them, some obstacle that you have to conquer that makes you stronger and better. If something was easy, there’d be no pleasure in completing the task. Maybe it’s all life’s lesson that you don’t have to be good at something to succeed. Maybe sometimes you just need to keep at it.

Of course, when the third week of July comes around, I’ll be back to hating myself.

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~ by bubblygoo on May 11, 2010.